Any relationship I have is bound to be hard work and that is because the people are always changing. I am changing everyday and so are the people I am with. The thing that makes it hardest is dealing with the fears and expectations that I place on others. Having been abused for so much of my life I find it very hard not to place expectations on others. The expectations will always be based on how I think they will react to certain people, places or things. I know that it is not fair to them or to myself to do it and yet it happens wth no thought on my part.
I know that in being aware of the propblem it makes it possible for me to make changes in the way I deal with others. I also know that it is very hard because I am working with conditioned responses. I am simply doing what I have always done to protect myself from being hurt physically or emotionally. As I heal a little more each day I find it easier to see the uunhealthy reactions and I am better able to catch myself and deal with it before I act. This brings about the scariest part, what if they react the way I am afraid they will? The answer is that I place it in God’s hands and let him guide meand the person that I am with to do the right things.
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