Close Door Open Window

It has often been said that when a door closes and window is opened. That statemwnt speaks volumns to the many aspects of our lives. No matter what we are doing or hope to be able to do we cannot do them until we stop doing something else. That is something that is true in all aspects of our lives jobs, relationships, frames of mind and any number of bad habits.

I had to be willing to move away from abusive relationships before I could move toward healthy relationships. That is a big change going from relationships where you are beaten down physically and emotionally to ones that are kind loving and supportive. I do not think that any one relationship can withstand the challenges that come from making that big a change in life.

I think rather it is something that is accomplished over time and many diferent relationships. Each one allowing you grow a small amount and learn that the new feeling are ok and not something to fear. I think if you tried to make that big a change all at once you, the other person or both would explode. It would also be unhealthy to place that much on any one person. Have a great day and God Bless, love you all.

Changes

We all make changes in our lives for many different reason and in the end there is only one good reason to make changes, they are needed. They say that there is only one constent in the universe and that is change. When we make changes in our lives they need to be changes that we feel we need to make. To make changes becuase it will make someone else happy is simply wrong and it means we are not being true to ourselves.

I am that which I am in a room alone with the lights out. No one to see me and no one to impress, just me and my Higher Power. He already knows who I am and what I am capable of doing and being. I am the one that does not know the answers to those and many other questions. So today and each day I strive to be the best person that I am capable of being. The interesting thing is that that whole idea changes with each day so in the end I am always growing and changing, hopefully for the better

I have seen people make changes just because they thought someone wanted them to make changes. They ended up being abolutely miserable and left feeling trapped in a body thatw as not theirs. I blieve that in order for changes to be permanent they need to be real, honest and true to your true nature. Have a great day and God Bless, love you all.

Super Heros

In life I have made choices that at the time seemed to be goo choices and we all do this every day. For a long time I played super hero, running around rescuing people from whatever crisis they found themselves in at the moment. The only time when that was ok and healthy was when I was working on an ambulance crew and it was my job to rescue people.

What I have learned is that in rescuing people from their problems, I have caused both them and myself more harm than good. I harmed them because they were denied the chance to learn the life lessones they needed to learn at that point in their lives. IN turn they were condemed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again until they actually learned what they were supposed to learn in the first place.

The other side of the coin is that I hurt myself as well by not dealing with the issues inmy life that I was afraid to deal with. I used someone elses problems to escape my own and I was forcedto deal with them sooner or later. If I am taking care of my own issues and allowing other to deal with their issues, life goes so much smoother. I have found that since I stopped rescuing others my life is much saner. I can relax in the evening without getting a phone call from some whose life is falling apart.

I can allow someone to take responsibility for their life and their actions and it is ok, I do not feel guilty in the least. I live my life the way God wants me to live it and I need to allow others to find their path in life. Sometimes it is hard to allow it to happen, especially when it is a loved one. Yet, they have to learn their life lessons as well as anyine else. It has been hard letting go and allowing them to make their mistakes and it is also nice when you watch them rebuild their lives based on what they have learned. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.

Going Up

Life has been going very well and I ahve been very happy with all that has been happening in it. When I allow God to drive this car called life it is amazing what can happen. Going through life we think we have control over people places and things. The reality is that we only have control over our own thoughts, feelings, actions and of course our reactions. Some days it is hard to remember that and when we forget it, we get ourselves into trouble.

We end up hurting the people in our lives that matter the most to us and that includes ourselves. By taking things one step at a time and one day at a time, miracles happen because we remove the barriers that prevent them from happening. In the Bible Jesus says that it is the fathers great joy to give us life and to give it to us abundently. Yet so many times we get in the way of this happening. I know that I have done that in the past and I am working hard at not allowing that to happen again.

In think I know better than God about what is in my best interest I close myself off from what God knows is inmy best interest. By letting go and allowing God to fill my life with all the blessings he has in store for me, I make life great. In this way I am moving up in the world and in my life. I have opened the door for all the blessings that God has for me and I am enjoying them flowing into my life. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.

Springs Coming

Yes, that is rtight spring os coming and not a moment too soon. Winter is coming back to visit again this weekend and I am certainly not looking forward to it. I so do not like the cold and yet I know that it serves it purpose in the grand scheme of things. God has blessed me and my life with talents and friends that have kept life intersting and filled with joy and happiness.

It has been a lot of work to rebuild my life after my last abusive wife left. I could not full breath easy until I found out that she left the state and than I could finally allow myself to relax. I have spent the last few years working hard and applying the 12 steps to my life and allowing my life to be transformed. Today I can say that the people I allow into my life bring nothing but positive elements to it.

Each person in my life today is a blessing from God and has brought joy amnd happiness into it. That is a far cry from what my life was like before, when I lived in fear of what the abuser would do to me or my kids. Today I can say that those thoughts are no longer a part of my daily life and it feels real good to be able to say that. I kow that if I apply the 12 steps to all aspects of my life I can have every positive thing I could possibly handle or want. The peomises come true because it is God's wish for us to have live and to have it abundently.

No one can come into my life and destroy what I have built, unless I allow them to. Today I do not allow anyone to destroy my life. Today I can make choices and feel good about the choices I am making because today I know that they are made out of love and not fear. I have been living alone for a while now and I am not afraid to be alone, which is also a sign of growth. My life is in the hands of God and I cannot think of a better place to place it. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.

Fears

I sometimes think of going out and trying my hand at dating and than recoil at the idea. I have been hurt so much in the relationships of the past that I have found that I am very much afraid. It seems hard to belive because it has never been a problem in the past and now something is missing and I do not know what it is. I have signed up for a class at church so I do not isolate myself from the rest of the world because it is something that I am very capable of doing.

I know that if I am every goingto be able to date I will have to be able to get past the cumulative hurt. No one relationship has caused this, it is rather the sum total of all the relationships I have had over the years. I am still looking at my life and seeking out the paterns of the past in hopes of learning something about myself. I believe that if I do that I can gain an insight into myself and learn something that will help me have the life that I have always wanted.

A life that I have denied myself because I did not think I deserved it. It is a hell of thing at 46 to re-evaluate your life and start over. There are so many thing that I have missed out on and an honest, open, loving two sided relationship is one of them. My fear at this point is that I am to jaded by the past to open up to the possiblities of the future. Will look at the next person and wonder what will they be the next one to be abusive. Do I dare let down my defenses and if I am unable to will I just end up alone.

Change is a good thing and I have my faith to guide me through all this stuff. In my heart I know that everything will be good. The fears exist in my mind and it is a ,atter of getting my mind and heart on the same page. That is something that I am sure will happen in time. Buildnig a new life is something that is going to take time and patience, I have the rest of my life to do it. Each step is scary because I am trying to change many things and in the end I have no idea what will happen. Right now I have fears and I am still happy with my new life even if I don't know where it is headed. lol Have a great day all and God Bless and love you all.

What we can handle

IT always seems to amaze me at what I can handle when I ask for God's help, everything always changes. It also never surprises me that God knows I can handle far more than I think I can handle. The last few weeks has brought a challenge that at times has been very hard to deal with and that is learning to relax and enjoy life. You see I have always been one that was always on the go (ADHD).

At times it drives me crazy all this slowing down stuff and yet I know that it is something that I must learn to do. Life is not a race but a long walk and one that should be enjoyed to the fullest. I have found that in my race through life I missed a great many things that were very important. Things that I always thought would be there when I had time and than only to find they were not. In slowing down I can not only smell the flowers, I can also enjoy the fragrence they provide.

My body is getting the message about slowing down and now I am working on the mind, it still races. Peace and happiness come from within and there is nothing external that can give to you or take it away from you. Have a great day all and God Bless, love you all.

Something New

One of the hardest thing that anyone ever does is to leave an abusive relationship. I know that that was true for me because I was so filled with fear and doubt. I was afraid of my own shadow and afrraid that they were right, that I could not make it without them. It took a great leap of faith for me to step into the unknown.

When I took my kids and left the relationship I had been in there was no support from any agency and we had to go it alone. That only added to the fear, doubt and uncertainty because now I had to fer loosing my kids as well. What I found was that with each choice I made for myself and my kids , I grew stronger.

Each thing I did to take care of and provide for my kids and myself helped me grow. I slowly over a period of time grew stronger and more confident in myself and that made a huge difference. I was no longer under the control of the abuser and I was building a new life for my kids and myself. I knew it would be the perfect life and I was going to do everything I could to make it a safe life.

This journey brought something new into my life, me. I began to see how strong I really was and how much I could and would do for my family and for myself. I allowed God to guide me through this journey and he gave me everything I needed to get through it all. HAve a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.

Divine Purpose

What is a Divine Purpose? Is it the same for everyone or different? We each have our own personal Divine Purpose in life and that is something that we discover in communion with God. When we stop and look at our lives we being to see that certain things come more easily than others. God gave us each a gift that is ours and ours alone and our purpose in life is to share that gift with everyone.

For some it is music, photography and for others it is helping with taxes or being a shoulder to lean on. When we do that which we were intended to do we have all the riches in the world. We have the inner calm that comes from doing what we know is right and the love and affection of those around us. No amount of material goods could ever erase or replace the love and affection that you give and receive from those you love.

How many of us walked away from our Diovine Purpose to chase material things? The big paycheck, status, a big house or a luxury car all come at a cost and was the cost worth it? If we are following our Divine Purpose we will still gain great sucess in whatever it is we are doing because it comes easy and it is fun. We may even achieve some of the material things along the way the bonus is that we know we are doing what we were meant to do and we are enjoying our lives along the way. Are you living your Divine Purpose? HAve a great day and God Bless, I love you all.

Choices are Fun

It is a good thing in life to know that you have choices, it is a sign that you are on the right track. I know that when I screw up my choices get to be very few very quickly and that is never a good thing. It is important to remember that we always have choices to make and they will always revolve around our values and intentions.

In being in recovery from drugs, alcohol and being abused, I learned that I always had choices to do the right thing or make things worse. The only thing that stopped me from making good choices was fear. Fear of what would happen to me or the people that I cared about, if I made the right choice. If I left an abusive relationship would I fall flat on my face and loose my kids or would it be better to stay and let my kids see their dad being abused.

Maybe if I did the right thing she would change and it would get better. Fear ruled my life for so long and controled all aspects of my life. "What if", became the prision that I lived in and many people I truly loved paid a heavy price for the prision of my life. Yet as my faith grew and my understanding of God changed, I grew stronger. I learned perhaps the most important lesson of all and that is that with God I am never alone.

This knowledge helped me grow even stronger, strong enough to push fear to the side. When I could finally push fear aside I was able to have a clear head and make good choices again. I allowed people into my life that I could trust and that brought something positive to the table. We all have issues and problems and the choices we make can make them better or worse. I hope that our faith guides us in making good choices and that or fear will no longer be able to enslave us. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.

What do we see?

When we look at others, what do we see? When we look at material things, what do we see? When we look at a church, what do we see? When we look at ourselves, what do we see?

Do we see things that are positive or do we see illusions based on what others say we should see? If we see a new car, is it simply a means to get you from one place to another or is it a means to be cool, successful or happy? When we look at a church is it a place that helps us feel good about ourselves and our connection to God or is it a place that tells us we are not good enough to deserve God's love?

When we look at others do we see that they are one of God's children and deserving of being treated as one of God's children or do we see someone that is undeserving of love and worthy of our condemnation? When we look at ourselves do we see a child of God, made in his image, perfect in every way or do we see all our flaws and short coming and loath ourselves as being unworthy of God's love.

We are made in God's image not the other way around. Jesus said we can do all the things he did and more if we only believe. Yet we only place limitations on ourselves and what we are capable of doing. As children of God, made in his image we owe it to ourselves to remove all the limitations we place on ourselves and live our lives as intended. We can all walk on water, calm the storm and heal the blind, if only we believe. We can also be healed if we only believe we can be. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.

A New Year

What will this new year bring? Will it brin closure to the events of last year or will they continue into the new year? Will we start something new this date that will change our lives forever or just continue with what we have been doing all this time?

Wew have the power to change our lives each and every day and yet we focus all our attentions on this day. Something about the first day of a new year that encourages us to start a new and fresh. Only God knows for sure what this new year will hold in store for us and we shall have a wealth of options available to us. What will we do with them all? HAve a great day and a Blessed New Year.