We each have our mission in life and we seldom realy know what it is and yet we often think that we know. If we kept a log of what we thought our mission in life was everytime we thought we knew, we would have a couple of notebooks filled by mid-life. I have come to know and understand that what God wants for me is to be the best example of his love that I can be.
I know that some days I will fall short and some days I will get it right. I also know that he will always put me where hee needs me to do whatever it is that he needs me to do that day. I may not be sure of much else most days, I am sure of that. All I have to do is trust him and know that he put me in this place at this time for a reason. Than if I do my best to be the best person I am capable of being his mission will be filled. I may be there to teach someone or I may be there to be taught by someone else, either way I am there to learn something about me and what I am capable of.
It is the times that try us the most that we learn the most about our ability to learn, grow and love. Remember when we were kids and having growing pains, they hurt like hell. Why would the events of life that help us grow be any different, they will hurt like hell and we will grow from them and be a better person for having gone through them. All of these things make everyday a blessed day. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Another Day
We have a chance to give and keep our words each and every day. We say we value honesty, do we show we value honesty by our words and actions. If I tell someone that I am going to do something or not do something than I have a responsibility to do it.
One thing I have learned is that our actions always demonstrate our true intentions. So if I say I intended to do something and did not that my actions show that I intended not to do it. How many people do we know that actually keep their word to us and how much do we trust them and how close a friend are they? Is it also not true that we all know people that 'intend' to keep their word but something always comes up? They are not people that we tend to keep close to us and include as part of our inner circle.
Our actions speak voulmns for us. They speak about our values, beliefs, hopes and dreams. They demonstrate to all that which is important to us and how important it is to us. Anyone can talk the talk it takes someone of real character to walk the walk. Well have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
One thing I have learned is that our actions always demonstrate our true intentions. So if I say I intended to do something and did not that my actions show that I intended not to do it. How many people do we know that actually keep their word to us and how much do we trust them and how close a friend are they? Is it also not true that we all know people that 'intend' to keep their word but something always comes up? They are not people that we tend to keep close to us and include as part of our inner circle.
Our actions speak voulmns for us. They speak about our values, beliefs, hopes and dreams. They demonstrate to all that which is important to us and how important it is to us. Anyone can talk the talk it takes someone of real character to walk the walk. Well have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
The Day After
The party is over and the family and friends have returned to their homes. We are returned to the rality of the day to day life when we start getting ready for work. The thing that is most important in life starts with our relationship with our Higher Power, ourselves and than our family and comes our friends. Life is really good and I am enjoying every moment of it and looking forward to what God has planned for me.
Today is a gift from God, that is why it is called the "present". That makes everyday Christmas because everyday you have a gift to open and see what you have been given. Like any gift you may think it is too big, too small, the wrong color or it is just not you. Yet it is just the right gift to be given at just the right time and just for you, from your Higher Power. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Today is a gift from God, that is why it is called the "present". That makes everyday Christmas because everyday you have a gift to open and see what you have been given. Like any gift you may think it is too big, too small, the wrong color or it is just not you. Yet it is just the right gift to be given at just the right time and just for you, from your Higher Power. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Best Christmas
As Christmases go this one has to rank as one of the best. I spent it only with those that are closest to me and peace reigned through the whole thing. There were the normal sibling rivalry kinds of things but that happens every day. The Lord blessed me with being able to have all the kids home for Christams and while they were not able to be there at the same time, they were here and that is all that mattered.
I spent a couple of days with a dear friend and her kids and I felt very comfortable with everything that happened. I had fun with the kids and go to watch them open their gifts. I even got the best gift of all, I was able to have a civil conversation with my brother and I was not only able to wish him a Merry Christmas but also a Happy Birthday as well.
It was a small step and I am hoping that it is one that will lead to more conversations in the coming months and years. Everything I could have dreamed of having received for Christmas I did receive. Thank you God for blessing me with so much. In the last few weeks I chose to re-evaluate my life and my priorities and I was unsure of what was going to happen. If the events of the last few day is any indication I know without a doubt that I ahve made some very wise choices and that the new direction my life is headed will be filled with happiness and joy. Merry Christmas to you all and God Bless, I love you all.
I spent a couple of days with a dear friend and her kids and I felt very comfortable with everything that happened. I had fun with the kids and go to watch them open their gifts. I even got the best gift of all, I was able to have a civil conversation with my brother and I was not only able to wish him a Merry Christmas but also a Happy Birthday as well.
It was a small step and I am hoping that it is one that will lead to more conversations in the coming months and years. Everything I could have dreamed of having received for Christmas I did receive. Thank you God for blessing me with so much. In the last few weeks I chose to re-evaluate my life and my priorities and I was unsure of what was going to happen. If the events of the last few day is any indication I know without a doubt that I ahve made some very wise choices and that the new direction my life is headed will be filled with happiness and joy. Merry Christmas to you all and God Bless, I love you all.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Step Twelve
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. What is a spiritual awakening? For some it comes on suddenly and is a profound moment of 'aha' and the light comes on and suddenly everthing is clear. For others it is something that comes on slowly as and they just suddenly realize that they have changed their entire life.
Being in recovery means I have to be available to help and support anyone that is in recovery or wanting to be in recovery. It is in giving away the things that I have learned that I continue to grow and it keeps the program alive and well in me. I have to also apply the priciples of what I ahve learned in my recovery to everything that I do. The principles I devlope while in recover keep me sober and I will stay sober only when they are applied to every aspect of my life.
It has meant that I have turned my back on my old life and the way I used to live. I have never turned my back on any one person because that would not be right. Yet if I am going to remain sober and have serenity I have to set boundaries for what behavior will be acceptable and what will not be. My life used to revolve around chaos and having to solve everyines problems. If there was no chaos in my life I was lost and did not know how to function.
I can tell you from experience that having kids provides me with all the chaos I am comfortable with these days. Over the years I have learned that I am the only one that can work my program of recovery. I cannot expect other to work it or live by it. In helping others find their path to recovery it is often a painful job because you do not want to see others get hurt. You have to allow them to fall and pick themselves up again. Learning the live a sober life is like learning to walk all over again, you are going to fall and you will pick yourself up again.
It is my old life and life choice that got me drunk or stoned and it is those very same things that will get me drunk or stoned. I have no choice but to walk away from the past and make a new life for myself. Today that life that I have is one filled with peace both internally and externally. I do not try to solve others problems or fix their mistakes for them, they have to do that for themselves, it is how they will learn. Today chaos is the holiday seaon or bath time, trying to cook a meal with a kitchen full of kids.
Those are then only acceptable kinds of chaos because those are the normal run of the mill chaos. The moments that actually build positve relationships and memories. No matter how rushed and chaotic things got at home, I remember all the times my kids tried to help me cook in the kitchen. So far 7 out of the 8 kids that have been a part of my life have helped me cook in the kitchen and it will be a few years before I will be able to teach her.
When I got the program it became clear that I had to change all aspects of my life and that took time and I did it and I have no regrets for having done it. I have gained far more than I ever lost. The people today that are a part of my life are people that make it better for having been a part of it. They add to the joy and happiness of each day. Have a great day and God Bless, I love you all.
Being in recovery means I have to be available to help and support anyone that is in recovery or wanting to be in recovery. It is in giving away the things that I have learned that I continue to grow and it keeps the program alive and well in me. I have to also apply the priciples of what I ahve learned in my recovery to everything that I do. The principles I devlope while in recover keep me sober and I will stay sober only when they are applied to every aspect of my life.
It has meant that I have turned my back on my old life and the way I used to live. I have never turned my back on any one person because that would not be right. Yet if I am going to remain sober and have serenity I have to set boundaries for what behavior will be acceptable and what will not be. My life used to revolve around chaos and having to solve everyines problems. If there was no chaos in my life I was lost and did not know how to function.
I can tell you from experience that having kids provides me with all the chaos I am comfortable with these days. Over the years I have learned that I am the only one that can work my program of recovery. I cannot expect other to work it or live by it. In helping others find their path to recovery it is often a painful job because you do not want to see others get hurt. You have to allow them to fall and pick themselves up again. Learning the live a sober life is like learning to walk all over again, you are going to fall and you will pick yourself up again.
It is my old life and life choice that got me drunk or stoned and it is those very same things that will get me drunk or stoned. I have no choice but to walk away from the past and make a new life for myself. Today that life that I have is one filled with peace both internally and externally. I do not try to solve others problems or fix their mistakes for them, they have to do that for themselves, it is how they will learn. Today chaos is the holiday seaon or bath time, trying to cook a meal with a kitchen full of kids.
Those are then only acceptable kinds of chaos because those are the normal run of the mill chaos. The moments that actually build positve relationships and memories. No matter how rushed and chaotic things got at home, I remember all the times my kids tried to help me cook in the kitchen. So far 7 out of the 8 kids that have been a part of my life have helped me cook in the kitchen and it will be a few years before I will be able to teach her.
When I got the program it became clear that I had to change all aspects of my life and that took time and I did it and I have no regrets for having done it. I have gained far more than I ever lost. The people today that are a part of my life are people that make it better for having been a part of it. They add to the joy and happiness of each day. Have a great day and God Bless, I love you all.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Step Eleven
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. This a very powerful statement and is has a very large impact on our daily lives. We get so wrapped up in the drum beat of each day that we so often time forget that which is most important in life.
It is said that freedom comes from self awareness and self knowledge and that is something that goes back thousands of years and yet we forget it every day. In this step we turn our focus to getting to know what God wants for us. The God of my understanding want me to be happy and he has his profound ways of teaching me things that no one could possibly teach me. I have as of late been re-evaluating the priorities in my life and the direction that it has been going.
I start each day with prayer and meditation and I end each day with prayer and meditation. I want to know what God wants for me and at times it is really hard for me to figure it out. I have learned over time that there are certain things that are guide posts to knowing if what I am doing is God's will or my will. The first is that things seem to fall into place in ways I could never have imagined possible and it all comes easy. If I am following my will road blocks pop up all over the place and I have to fight to gain an inch.
The next guide post is that when I am doing what God wants me to do I feel at peace with myself and the choices I am making. There is no internal conflict and I do not feel stressed over it in the least. When I am not doing God's will I am very stressed, short tempered and my stomach is in knots. I am overwhelmed and a basket case and certainly no fun to be around.
The next guide post is my happiness level. If I am doing God's will I know a real and honest happiness. This is a happiness that comes from the inside and radiates out for all to see and all the little things that would normally stress me out, don't. If I am not doing His will for me than I paint a smile on and go about my day feeling anxioous and depressed, sure that I am being punished for something I have done wrong.
The final guide post is the sleep factor. When I am doing His will for me, I sleep like a baby; soundly and deeply. When I am not, the blanets end up in a ball by morning and I tired as hell the whole next day. I have to do what is His will for me and that does not mean it is His will for anyone else, just me. In looking at my values and priorities of the last twenty years I have placed a lot of energy into chacing the brass ring and feeling frustarating because it kept getting moved.
While I was there for my family I wasnot there for them as much as I could have been and needed to be. My eyes were opened by someone that I love very much and is a large part of my life. One look was all it took to open my eyes to what I had been missing out on all these years. Since than I have resigned from driving cab, being the chair of the neighborhood association, vice-president of the neighborhood coalition, retired from politics and I have closed the doors of my business.
These have all been things that were a big part of my life and it is time to let them go and see what else God has in mind for me. I am still in school and I intend to finish that and I do still have my job and things are going very well there. I have had a lot of success in my life over the years and I have many great adventures. I have been places, seen things and done things that most people only dream of or fear. I am leaving my life and my heart open to God to fill it with all the love that he can.
I am will to go and do what he asks of me and I hope that in some way the experiences I have had over the years will benefit others and I know that it already has. I do not know where this new journey is going to take me or who will be a part of it. I just know it is time for a change and I have to remove the baggage that has been tieing me down so that I can grow in whatever direction I am meant to. There are people that are very important to me and they will continue to be important. I am moving forward and not looking back, bring it on, I am ready.
Have a great day all, God Bless and I love you all.
It is said that freedom comes from self awareness and self knowledge and that is something that goes back thousands of years and yet we forget it every day. In this step we turn our focus to getting to know what God wants for us. The God of my understanding want me to be happy and he has his profound ways of teaching me things that no one could possibly teach me. I have as of late been re-evaluating the priorities in my life and the direction that it has been going.
I start each day with prayer and meditation and I end each day with prayer and meditation. I want to know what God wants for me and at times it is really hard for me to figure it out. I have learned over time that there are certain things that are guide posts to knowing if what I am doing is God's will or my will. The first is that things seem to fall into place in ways I could never have imagined possible and it all comes easy. If I am following my will road blocks pop up all over the place and I have to fight to gain an inch.
The next guide post is that when I am doing what God wants me to do I feel at peace with myself and the choices I am making. There is no internal conflict and I do not feel stressed over it in the least. When I am not doing God's will I am very stressed, short tempered and my stomach is in knots. I am overwhelmed and a basket case and certainly no fun to be around.
The next guide post is my happiness level. If I am doing God's will I know a real and honest happiness. This is a happiness that comes from the inside and radiates out for all to see and all the little things that would normally stress me out, don't. If I am not doing His will for me than I paint a smile on and go about my day feeling anxioous and depressed, sure that I am being punished for something I have done wrong.
The final guide post is the sleep factor. When I am doing His will for me, I sleep like a baby; soundly and deeply. When I am not, the blanets end up in a ball by morning and I tired as hell the whole next day. I have to do what is His will for me and that does not mean it is His will for anyone else, just me. In looking at my values and priorities of the last twenty years I have placed a lot of energy into chacing the brass ring and feeling frustarating because it kept getting moved.
While I was there for my family I wasnot there for them as much as I could have been and needed to be. My eyes were opened by someone that I love very much and is a large part of my life. One look was all it took to open my eyes to what I had been missing out on all these years. Since than I have resigned from driving cab, being the chair of the neighborhood association, vice-president of the neighborhood coalition, retired from politics and I have closed the doors of my business.
These have all been things that were a big part of my life and it is time to let them go and see what else God has in mind for me. I am still in school and I intend to finish that and I do still have my job and things are going very well there. I have had a lot of success in my life over the years and I have many great adventures. I have been places, seen things and done things that most people only dream of or fear. I am leaving my life and my heart open to God to fill it with all the love that he can.
I am will to go and do what he asks of me and I hope that in some way the experiences I have had over the years will benefit others and I know that it already has. I do not know where this new journey is going to take me or who will be a part of it. I just know it is time for a change and I have to remove the baggage that has been tieing me down so that I can grow in whatever direction I am meant to. There are people that are very important to me and they will continue to be important. I am moving forward and not looking back, bring it on, I am ready.
Have a great day all, God Bless and I love you all.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Step Ten
Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. This is something that is a very important and is called a maintance step. The first thing I need to keep in mind when thinking about this is that I am taking a personal inventory and not someone elses inventory. The focusis on me and what I am doing and that I am doing the right things for the right reasons.
This is the way I end my day by lookign at what I have done during the course of the day and evaluating what I am doing and why I am doing it. It is a time when I talk with God about what I have been doing that day and let go of the events of the day. I acknowledge when I did my best and when I fell short and look to see when I did something that may have hurt someone else. It does not matter if I intended to hurt someone else or not, the question is did I?
They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The thing with intentions is that they are meaningless unless your actions match your intentions. I believe that if something is worth having it is worth working hard for and fighting for. My sobriety is something that I fight for and work hard for on a daily basis. Without that I have nothing. It is important to continually move forward and grow and taking a daily personal inventory is a critical part of that growth.
That personal inventory keeps that junk from building up and threatening my sobriety with resentments and other negative energy. My sobriety has to be real and honest and my daily personal invetories ensures that it stays that way. HAve a great day and God Bless, I love you all.
This is the way I end my day by lookign at what I have done during the course of the day and evaluating what I am doing and why I am doing it. It is a time when I talk with God about what I have been doing that day and let go of the events of the day. I acknowledge when I did my best and when I fell short and look to see when I did something that may have hurt someone else. It does not matter if I intended to hurt someone else or not, the question is did I?
They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The thing with intentions is that they are meaningless unless your actions match your intentions. I believe that if something is worth having it is worth working hard for and fighting for. My sobriety is something that I fight for and work hard for on a daily basis. Without that I have nothing. It is important to continually move forward and grow and taking a daily personal inventory is a critical part of that growth.
That personal inventory keeps that junk from building up and threatening my sobriety with resentments and other negative energy. My sobriety has to be real and honest and my daily personal invetories ensures that it stays that way. HAve a great day and God Bless, I love you all.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Step Ten
Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admited it. This is something that is very much needed in my daily life. If I am not looking at what I am doing and more importantly the reasons for why I am doing it, issues will begin to build up. I need to be able to be honest with myself about what I am doing and more importantly why I am doing what I am doing.
It is after all possible to do the right things for the wrong reasons, which makes it wrong. I try to be aware of what I am doing as I am doing it and catch myself right away. If I am wrong I try to catch it right away and go to the person and admit that I was wrong and it often times catches them by surprise. I also try to end my day with a look at what I have done over the course of the day.
Is there something that I will need to make amends for the next day? Did I do the thoings that day for the right reasons? Did I try to manipulate or control a person, place or thing that I should not have? Did I try to make someone change to what I thought they should be? If the answer to any of these questions is yes than I have to do something to correct it right away. Otherwise it will fester and grow into a resentmesnt that can get me drunk.
I try to be totally honest with people and that keeps the need for amends down. It is also helpful to the people I am dealing with to know exactly where I am coming from and what they are dealing with. I have learned that to have expectations of other only gets us into trouble and if I am honest with them my hands are clean. If I have expectations about what they will do than I am not being honest with myself and my hands are not clean.
I cannot place any expectations on other for how they will react to me or what I am doing. I have no control or right to expect a certain reaction to my actions. If I am doing this than that goes to the motivations for my actions and it makes it all wrong. My motivations have to be right for anything I do to be right. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
It is after all possible to do the right things for the wrong reasons, which makes it wrong. I try to be aware of what I am doing as I am doing it and catch myself right away. If I am wrong I try to catch it right away and go to the person and admit that I was wrong and it often times catches them by surprise. I also try to end my day with a look at what I have done over the course of the day.
Is there something that I will need to make amends for the next day? Did I do the thoings that day for the right reasons? Did I try to manipulate or control a person, place or thing that I should not have? Did I try to make someone change to what I thought they should be? If the answer to any of these questions is yes than I have to do something to correct it right away. Otherwise it will fester and grow into a resentmesnt that can get me drunk.
I try to be totally honest with people and that keeps the need for amends down. It is also helpful to the people I am dealing with to know exactly where I am coming from and what they are dealing with. I have learned that to have expectations of other only gets us into trouble and if I am honest with them my hands are clean. If I have expectations about what they will do than I am not being honest with myself and my hands are not clean.
I cannot place any expectations on other for how they will react to me or what I am doing. I have no control or right to expect a certain reaction to my actions. If I am doing this than that goes to the motivations for my actions and it makes it all wrong. My motivations have to be right for anything I do to be right. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Step Nine
Made direct amends such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. This is somethig that is very important and needs to be looked at seriously. In the last step we became willing to make amends and now comes the time when we actually do it, At this time having a good relationship with your Higher Power comes in very handy. For I have found that my Higher Power puts the people and the means in place forme to make amends in the most appropriate way.
This is going to be diferent for each person and they have to be dealt with as individuals. This is something that is important, after all you are not sending out a form letter apology and if you do you can be asured that it will be treated as such. For some people on your list all that will be needed is that they see that you are living a good and happy life. For others you may need to have a face to face to take responsibility for your part in what happend and leave it at that.
In other cases you may need to write a letter about how you feel and what you did and than never send the letter. I have known people that gave to charity to benefit others that were in a similar positon as those they have hurt. Some of the people we hurt we will never see again because we moved, they moved or they have passed on. We also have to be able to accept that for some people the hurt is so great that no amount of amends will ever be enough. It is sad because we have worked so hard to get to this point that it can be devistating when the door is closed in our faces.
In the end we are responsible for the things we do and have done. We are not responsible for how others choose to react to what we do. If someone does not want to accept our amends or that we have changed than it is on them and not on us. We cannot change how they feel or how they choose to react to what we are doing. The final thing is that we need to make amends to ourselves and that has been a stumbling point for a great many.
It is so easy to forgive others for anything they do and yet so hard to forgive ourselves for the things we did to ourselves. The reality is that if we cannot forgive ourselves for the things that we did, how can we really expect others to forgive us? In forgiving ourselves we do not make light of what happened or make excuses for what happened. We take an honest look at the events of our lives and take responsibility only for our actions and reactions. We are not responsible for what anyone else did as a result of anything that happened. We all have free will and we all make our own choices and that is sometimes very hard for us to remember. It is after all much easier to blame our actions on what others have done, 'I would not have done that if they did not do...'. We chose to do it and that is all there is to it, no one can make us do anything we do not want to do.
Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
This is going to be diferent for each person and they have to be dealt with as individuals. This is something that is important, after all you are not sending out a form letter apology and if you do you can be asured that it will be treated as such. For some people on your list all that will be needed is that they see that you are living a good and happy life. For others you may need to have a face to face to take responsibility for your part in what happend and leave it at that.
In other cases you may need to write a letter about how you feel and what you did and than never send the letter. I have known people that gave to charity to benefit others that were in a similar positon as those they have hurt. Some of the people we hurt we will never see again because we moved, they moved or they have passed on. We also have to be able to accept that for some people the hurt is so great that no amount of amends will ever be enough. It is sad because we have worked so hard to get to this point that it can be devistating when the door is closed in our faces.
In the end we are responsible for the things we do and have done. We are not responsible for how others choose to react to what we do. If someone does not want to accept our amends or that we have changed than it is on them and not on us. We cannot change how they feel or how they choose to react to what we are doing. The final thing is that we need to make amends to ourselves and that has been a stumbling point for a great many.
It is so easy to forgive others for anything they do and yet so hard to forgive ourselves for the things we did to ourselves. The reality is that if we cannot forgive ourselves for the things that we did, how can we really expect others to forgive us? In forgiving ourselves we do not make light of what happened or make excuses for what happened. We take an honest look at the events of our lives and take responsibility only for our actions and reactions. We are not responsible for what anyone else did as a result of anything that happened. We all have free will and we all make our own choices and that is sometimes very hard for us to remember. It is after all much easier to blame our actions on what others have done, 'I would not have done that if they did not do...'. We chose to do it and that is all there is to it, no one can make us do anything we do not want to do.
Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Step Eight
Made a list of all people we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. This is one that takes some tine to do and a couple of sharp pencils and a new notebook. When we create the list it can be a very long one and it needs to be. We need to look at everyone we hurt and if they are dead that is of no concern they go on the list ant ways.
This something that we do for our benefit and not the benefit of others. They are not walking around feeling the pain of what we have done, they are living their own lives and hopefully dealing with their own issues. When we talk about amends it is about taking reposibility for our part in the events that happened. How someone else reacted to it is not our concern, only what our part in it was.
The final part of the step is being ready to make amends to them all. That does not mean that we are going to have a party and invite everyone we have ever hurt and make amends to them all at once. Chances are we would not be able to walk out of the room, afterwards. It just means being willing to make amends and being open to the best way to do that. In some cases it may be a phone call or a face to face meeting over a cup of coffee.
For those that have already transitioned to a better place a letter, prayer or song (written by you) may do the job just fine. By being willing we open ourselves to all the possible ways to make the amends. We also open ourselves to the opportunities to come to us to be able to make amends. The person you want to make amends to most and have not seen in many years suddenly calls or walks into your life. By being willing you allow God to do his thing and provide for you the things you need to be able to make amends.
We also also have to be willing to accept that our amends will not be accepted because they are unwilling to let go. That is not on us and solely rests with the person receiving the amends. The final thing that we need to do is to look over the list and look for one name in particular...yours. Is it there? Are you willing to make amends to yourself? Are you willing to accept the amends and forgive yourself for the hurt you caused yourself? If it is not there you really do need to add it.
After all we are very quick to be critical of ourselves and even slower than anyone else to forgive ourselves. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
This something that we do for our benefit and not the benefit of others. They are not walking around feeling the pain of what we have done, they are living their own lives and hopefully dealing with their own issues. When we talk about amends it is about taking reposibility for our part in the events that happened. How someone else reacted to it is not our concern, only what our part in it was.
The final part of the step is being ready to make amends to them all. That does not mean that we are going to have a party and invite everyone we have ever hurt and make amends to them all at once. Chances are we would not be able to walk out of the room, afterwards. It just means being willing to make amends and being open to the best way to do that. In some cases it may be a phone call or a face to face meeting over a cup of coffee.
For those that have already transitioned to a better place a letter, prayer or song (written by you) may do the job just fine. By being willing we open ourselves to all the possible ways to make the amends. We also open ourselves to the opportunities to come to us to be able to make amends. The person you want to make amends to most and have not seen in many years suddenly calls or walks into your life. By being willing you allow God to do his thing and provide for you the things you need to be able to make amends.
We also also have to be willing to accept that our amends will not be accepted because they are unwilling to let go. That is not on us and solely rests with the person receiving the amends. The final thing that we need to do is to look over the list and look for one name in particular...yours. Is it there? Are you willing to make amends to yourself? Are you willing to accept the amends and forgive yourself for the hurt you caused yourself? If it is not there you really do need to add it.
After all we are very quick to be critical of ourselves and even slower than anyone else to forgive ourselves. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Friday, December 07, 2007
It's been seven years
Seven years ago today an event happen that would send me in a new direction and change my life forever. Before this event I was a dreamer and not a doer and while I cared about others and had a strong faith it was not solid. I still heald back and was not willing to trust God completely. I was in my second abusive marriage and my life was a wreck and I lived in complete fear on a daily basis.
I had gotten custody of my kids and my than wife turned violent and everything spiraled out of control real fast. All I could do was try to protect my kids the best that I could and I spent many a night curreled up in a corner crying to God asking why I had to go through this. I was working and going to school in another town and I hit a racoon with my car and that was in the shop. It was now winter and I was hacking to hitch hike from Annandale to St Cloud (20 miles) to and from work every day.
Than the event happened my than wife decided that because I was not making enough money for her, the kids and I had to go. She threw us out into the street with no where to go and no way to get there. It was cold and dark and I looked up to God and asked, why? I found a place for my kids to go and I got a ride to St Cloud and went to a meeting. Than I stopped and decided to give up and turn my life over completely to God. Nothing I was doing was working and I had just lost everything.
I was now stand on a street, no kids, no home and no money. I had a job and I was in school and I was still sober. Over the next month I was able to see my kids twice and I was so ashamed for them to see their father homeless. I think over that first month I saw my kids for about 4hrs and unders my pareents supervision. To make matters wose my kids were with their mother and I had taken the kids from her two years earlier becuase they were being abused. I lived every day with the idea that they were going to use this to take the kids away from me and I would never get them back. I did find a place to live after that first month and I did get my kids back.
I just kept turning my life over to God and asking him to use me for his will, whatever that was and I would not question it. Since than my life has been a sieres of ups and downs and it has been heading up since.
1. divorced twice
2. married once
3. engaged twice, one ended in marriage and the other friends
4. built a home for my kids and I
5. finished two college degress
6. started a third
7. ran for public office 3 times
8. became an advocate for men that are victims of domestic violence
9. became an advocate for single fathers as single parents
10 graduated one kid from high school so far and one more to go
11. watched both my kids rent their own homes
12. learned to love again
Out of the darkest things come the brightest events. It has been a wonderful seven years and I would not give up any of it. I am truely blessed to have the people in my life that I do because God brought them to me and blessed me with them as part of my life. Thank you God. Have a great day all and God Bless you, I love you all.
I had gotten custody of my kids and my than wife turned violent and everything spiraled out of control real fast. All I could do was try to protect my kids the best that I could and I spent many a night curreled up in a corner crying to God asking why I had to go through this. I was working and going to school in another town and I hit a racoon with my car and that was in the shop. It was now winter and I was hacking to hitch hike from Annandale to St Cloud (20 miles) to and from work every day.
Than the event happened my than wife decided that because I was not making enough money for her, the kids and I had to go. She threw us out into the street with no where to go and no way to get there. It was cold and dark and I looked up to God and asked, why? I found a place for my kids to go and I got a ride to St Cloud and went to a meeting. Than I stopped and decided to give up and turn my life over completely to God. Nothing I was doing was working and I had just lost everything.
I was now stand on a street, no kids, no home and no money. I had a job and I was in school and I was still sober. Over the next month I was able to see my kids twice and I was so ashamed for them to see their father homeless. I think over that first month I saw my kids for about 4hrs and unders my pareents supervision. To make matters wose my kids were with their mother and I had taken the kids from her two years earlier becuase they were being abused. I lived every day with the idea that they were going to use this to take the kids away from me and I would never get them back. I did find a place to live after that first month and I did get my kids back.
I just kept turning my life over to God and asking him to use me for his will, whatever that was and I would not question it. Since than my life has been a sieres of ups and downs and it has been heading up since.
1. divorced twice
2. married once
3. engaged twice, one ended in marriage and the other friends
4. built a home for my kids and I
5. finished two college degress
6. started a third
7. ran for public office 3 times
8. became an advocate for men that are victims of domestic violence
9. became an advocate for single fathers as single parents
10 graduated one kid from high school so far and one more to go
11. watched both my kids rent their own homes
12. learned to love again
Out of the darkest things come the brightest events. It has been a wonderful seven years and I would not give up any of it. I am truely blessed to have the people in my life that I do because God brought them to me and blessed me with them as part of my life. Thank you God. Have a great day all and God Bless you, I love you all.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Step Seven
States, Humbly asked God to remove my short comings. The first thing I had to do with this step was to come to an understanding. That understanding was that humble and humiliate are not one in the same. At first I believed that I would have God was going to humiliate me during the process of removing my short comings. The second thing that needed to happen was the change of the idea that my character defects were not defects but short comings.
The difference is also rather profound in that a 'Character defect' indicates that I am broken and needing to be fixed. I was not broken and did not need to be fixed. A 'shirt coming' means that I have fallen short of my best and that I have fallen short of my own personal values. The final thing was to come to the understanding that I was not going to sit there with a shopping list and dictate to God, which short comings to remove now and which one to remove later.
We I humble mysefl before God I am simply acknowledging his ability to do things I could never dream of doing myself. It was the idea that I could do it all myself that caused me to be humiliated in the first place. Being humble carries no shame, guilt or pain with it. Acknowledging my humanity allows me to see my character defects as being short comings. These are not things that are wrong about me, they are traits and abilities that mean well and I allowed them to take over and cause others and myself harm.
Instead of being a positive in my life they became some distorted idea and heald me back from being as God intended me to be. By asking God to remove my short comings I admit that I do not have the ability to remove them myself and that I need his help. I in turnhand over the list of short comings that I know of and as I find more I give them to him as well. At first I thought that he would remove them all at once and I felt very disappointed that he did not.
I believed that my prayers were not being answered when in fact they had been answered all along. You see instead of removing them all at once and leaving me totally defensless he removed the ones that I was ready to have removed. As I grew as a person more and more of these short comings were able to be removed. My load became lighter for not having to carry all those short comings and that made it possible to grow even more.
I can only grow so much at any one time and if I want that growth to stick it needs to be slow growth. God understands that like a plant if you over feed or over water or give it too or too little light, you kill it. In that regards God is the master gardener and is keeping this plant alive and growing in the light of his love. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
The difference is also rather profound in that a 'Character defect' indicates that I am broken and needing to be fixed. I was not broken and did not need to be fixed. A 'shirt coming' means that I have fallen short of my best and that I have fallen short of my own personal values. The final thing was to come to the understanding that I was not going to sit there with a shopping list and dictate to God, which short comings to remove now and which one to remove later.
We I humble mysefl before God I am simply acknowledging his ability to do things I could never dream of doing myself. It was the idea that I could do it all myself that caused me to be humiliated in the first place. Being humble carries no shame, guilt or pain with it. Acknowledging my humanity allows me to see my character defects as being short comings. These are not things that are wrong about me, they are traits and abilities that mean well and I allowed them to take over and cause others and myself harm.
Instead of being a positive in my life they became some distorted idea and heald me back from being as God intended me to be. By asking God to remove my short comings I admit that I do not have the ability to remove them myself and that I need his help. I in turnhand over the list of short comings that I know of and as I find more I give them to him as well. At first I thought that he would remove them all at once and I felt very disappointed that he did not.
I believed that my prayers were not being answered when in fact they had been answered all along. You see instead of removing them all at once and leaving me totally defensless he removed the ones that I was ready to have removed. As I grew as a person more and more of these short comings were able to be removed. My load became lighter for not having to carry all those short comings and that made it possible to grow even more.
I can only grow so much at any one time and if I want that growth to stick it needs to be slow growth. God understands that like a plant if you over feed or over water or give it too or too little light, you kill it. In that regards God is the master gardener and is keeping this plant alive and growing in the light of his love. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Step Six
Where entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Defects of character was the only thing I saw when I first read this. It supposed ans re-enforced the idea that had been beat into my head over the years, that I was defective. Was I really defective and if so, why?
The things that I had identified in my 4th step were the things that defined who I was. Now they were being refered to as defects of character. It tiik me a while to come to grips with what this meant. I had allowed things to define who I was and shape how others saw me. These traits that I had for so long were in fact walls that I had built up for so long to keep people out and never let anyone get close.
You see if you allow someone to get close, they can hurt you and I had been hurt far too much in life already. The stuff that was in my 4th was everything I did not want to be any more and it was not what I wanted others to see when they saw me either. It was that realization that helped me come to grips with the idea of what character defects meant. It did not mean that I was a bad person only that my ideas about who I was and am have changed.
I had come out of my crysalis and was ready to spread my wings and fly. That gave me the willingness to turn my character defects over to God and to allow him to remove them from me. Some were gone right away and others took much longer. It is in coming to the realization that the old me serves no purpose any longer, that I am free to change. It is in understanding that the past does not define the future that I am free to live. It is know that God protects me from harm that allows me to love again.
My life is defined by what I do in the present and not by what I did in the past. I will always carry with me the lessons I learned from those character defects. It does not mean that I will carry forward those character defects. We all have the ability to change as a good and dear friend continues to remind me. Yet it can only happen if there is a desire to change. That desire comes from know you have character defects and you are willing to give them up. If you do not believe you have character defects, you have nothing to give up and no reason to change.
It took years to be able to trust God enough to become entirely ready. For the longest time I would only give him parts of my life but never the whole thing. Now, I can give him the whole thing and I am still entirely ready to have him remove all my character defects. HAve a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
The things that I had identified in my 4th step were the things that defined who I was. Now they were being refered to as defects of character. It tiik me a while to come to grips with what this meant. I had allowed things to define who I was and shape how others saw me. These traits that I had for so long were in fact walls that I had built up for so long to keep people out and never let anyone get close.
You see if you allow someone to get close, they can hurt you and I had been hurt far too much in life already. The stuff that was in my 4th was everything I did not want to be any more and it was not what I wanted others to see when they saw me either. It was that realization that helped me come to grips with the idea of what character defects meant. It did not mean that I was a bad person only that my ideas about who I was and am have changed.
I had come out of my crysalis and was ready to spread my wings and fly. That gave me the willingness to turn my character defects over to God and to allow him to remove them from me. Some were gone right away and others took much longer. It is in coming to the realization that the old me serves no purpose any longer, that I am free to change. It is in understanding that the past does not define the future that I am free to live. It is know that God protects me from harm that allows me to love again.
My life is defined by what I do in the present and not by what I did in the past. I will always carry with me the lessons I learned from those character defects. It does not mean that I will carry forward those character defects. We all have the ability to change as a good and dear friend continues to remind me. Yet it can only happen if there is a desire to change. That desire comes from know you have character defects and you are willing to give them up. If you do not believe you have character defects, you have nothing to give up and no reason to change.
It took years to be able to trust God enough to become entirely ready. For the longest time I would only give him parts of my life but never the whole thing. Now, I can give him the whole thing and I am still entirely ready to have him remove all my character defects. HAve a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Step Five
Admitted to God, to myself and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. Ok what this isn't is when you have your head in the toilet saying, "God I know I was wrong to do this and I will never do it again." This is an important moment when we have a chance to let go of who we are as a drunk and make room for who we become as an alcoholic.
The first difference is that as a drunk we are still drinking and as an alcoholic we have found recovery. The 5th step for me was vert humbeling becuase I thought I was the absolute worst person that ever existed. When I finished sharingmy 4th step with a priest, he politly nodded and than asked me, "is that all?" Those three words sucked the wind out of my sail and sent my ego on a crash and burn into the ground.
They also sent shivers down my spine of hope that maybe I really was not all that bad. The important thing in doing your 5th step is that you are given a chance to let go of the baggage that you have been carrying around. That baggage can get you drunk faster than anything else ever will. That baggage also keeps you locked in a prison of your own creation and so long as you are in that prison you cannot grow as a person.
If we are going to make it in recovery and have real honest sobriety we need to be able to let go of the things we have done in the past. There will always be those that will always hold our past against us and there is nothing we can do to stop them or change them. The only thing we can do is change ourselves and that ability gives us more power in life than we can ever imagine.
For as we change for the better, those that do not want to change or accept or changes simply drop off in time. In letting go of the past we become reborn into the present and have the ability to become anything we want to become. This is the promise of recovery, that if you let go and let God, miracles will happen. This step gives us back our lives and allows us to have a fresh start and we deserve it after all we have been through.
Everything before this step is about building ourselves up and getting us ready to begin our new life free of alcohol and drugs. We have admitted the we cannot do it, that God can and that I will let him. We have taken an the best accounting of our past life as we can and now we are letting go of our old life. Understand that all the things we have done are still part of who we are it is just that they do not define who we will become.
That is somewthing that we have the freedom to choose for ourselves. We cannot change anything that happened in the past and we have no control over what will happen in the future. The only thing we have control over is how we act in the present and that will shape the future that we live. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
The first difference is that as a drunk we are still drinking and as an alcoholic we have found recovery. The 5th step for me was vert humbeling becuase I thought I was the absolute worst person that ever existed. When I finished sharingmy 4th step with a priest, he politly nodded and than asked me, "is that all?" Those three words sucked the wind out of my sail and sent my ego on a crash and burn into the ground.
They also sent shivers down my spine of hope that maybe I really was not all that bad. The important thing in doing your 5th step is that you are given a chance to let go of the baggage that you have been carrying around. That baggage can get you drunk faster than anything else ever will. That baggage also keeps you locked in a prison of your own creation and so long as you are in that prison you cannot grow as a person.
If we are going to make it in recovery and have real honest sobriety we need to be able to let go of the things we have done in the past. There will always be those that will always hold our past against us and there is nothing we can do to stop them or change them. The only thing we can do is change ourselves and that ability gives us more power in life than we can ever imagine.
For as we change for the better, those that do not want to change or accept or changes simply drop off in time. In letting go of the past we become reborn into the present and have the ability to become anything we want to become. This is the promise of recovery, that if you let go and let God, miracles will happen. This step gives us back our lives and allows us to have a fresh start and we deserve it after all we have been through.
Everything before this step is about building ourselves up and getting us ready to begin our new life free of alcohol and drugs. We have admitted the we cannot do it, that God can and that I will let him. We have taken an the best accounting of our past life as we can and now we are letting go of our old life. Understand that all the things we have done are still part of who we are it is just that they do not define who we will become.
That is somewthing that we have the freedom to choose for ourselves. We cannot change anything that happened in the past and we have no control over what will happen in the future. The only thing we have control over is how we act in the present and that will shape the future that we live. Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.
Think a Minute
Now, THIS is really fascinating - it's rather dazzling to see it presented this way. Scroll down...
I CERTAINLY THOUGHT THIS WAS ENLIGHTENING. BEYOND OUR SUN ... IT'S A BIG UNIVERSE.
ANTARES IS THE 15TH BRIGHTEST STAR IN THE SKY.
IT IS MORE THAN 1000 LIGHT YEARS AWAY.
NOW HOW BIG ARE YOU?
------------------------------------------------------------------
NOW TRY TO WRAP YOUR MIND AROUND THIS.........
THIS IS A HUBBLE TELESCOPE ULTRA DEEP FIELD INFRARED VIEW OF COUNTLESS
"ENTIRE" GALAXIES BILLIONS OF LIGHT-YEARS AWAY.
BELOW IS A CLOSE UP OF ONE OF THE DARKEST REGIONS OF THE PHOTO ABOVE.
HUMBLING, ISN'T IT?
KEEP LIFE IN PERSPECTIVE.
AND DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!
Step Four
Made a sesarching and fearless moral inventory. This has too be by far the hardestthing that anyone has to do. It wipes away all the false images of ourselves and we lay naked before God. In reality God already knows everything we have already done and I am sure he knows what will happen if we do not change course. The idea behind this is to clear out all the stuff and get it on paper.
By stuff I mean all the good and bad that wehave done in our lives tothat point in time. There are many people that never get through this becuase they cannot handle seeing what they have become as a result of the drugs and alcohol in their lives. We all have this image in our minds of who we are, the fourth step removes that false image of who we think we are and exposes who we really are.
This is a step that should never be done alone and it should always be balanced between good and bad. I have known many people that have gotten drunk over their fourth step. The moral inventory is only going to be as good as our morals at the time will allow it to be. By the time we are ready to do our 4th step we usually at the end of our treatment program and we have a solid support system to back us up.
By the time we are ready to finish treatment we have more than likely regained some of the moral values that we had lost and regained some of the honest wirth ourselves that we had lost. To me the fearless thing was the idea that I was going to be ok when I was done and that was important. There is a great deal of fear when you begin to realize the shear number of people that you have hurt over the years.
When you begin to realize the amount of pain that you have caused yourself and others there is a great deal of fear. Can you ever forgive yourself, will anyone else, will God? All is good and I can assure you that you are never as bad as you think you are. The reason we feel so bad about the things we have done is simply because what we have done goes against our core values. By getting in touch with this we are also able to identify with our core values and that helps us identify with who we really are and that helps us get back to the real person behind the mask. Have a great day all and God bless, I love you all.
By stuff I mean all the good and bad that wehave done in our lives tothat point in time. There are many people that never get through this becuase they cannot handle seeing what they have become as a result of the drugs and alcohol in their lives. We all have this image in our minds of who we are, the fourth step removes that false image of who we think we are and exposes who we really are.
This is a step that should never be done alone and it should always be balanced between good and bad. I have known many people that have gotten drunk over their fourth step. The moral inventory is only going to be as good as our morals at the time will allow it to be. By the time we are ready to do our 4th step we usually at the end of our treatment program and we have a solid support system to back us up.
By the time we are ready to finish treatment we have more than likely regained some of the moral values that we had lost and regained some of the honest wirth ourselves that we had lost. To me the fearless thing was the idea that I was going to be ok when I was done and that was important. There is a great deal of fear when you begin to realize the shear number of people that you have hurt over the years.
When you begin to realize the amount of pain that you have caused yourself and others there is a great deal of fear. Can you ever forgive yourself, will anyone else, will God? All is good and I can assure you that you are never as bad as you think you are. The reason we feel so bad about the things we have done is simply because what we have done goes against our core values. By getting in touch with this we are also able to identify with our core values and that helps us identify with who we really are and that helps us get back to the real person behind the mask. Have a great day all and God bless, I love you all.
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