Head to Heart

Having been in relationships where I have been abused by my wife the hardest thing is to trust that you can find someone that will not repeat the past. It is not a matter of what they will do rather it is a point of what I will allow and how I have grown. If I change who I am and I choose not to allow the abusive relationships of the past to define me then things will change. The longest part of the journey of recovery from abuse is from the mind to the heart. So long as I remain in my mind I relive the past and the abuse of the past will continue. It will define me for as long as I choose to allow it to. It has now been five years since I was last in an abusive relationship.
I took a couple of years for me to make the journey from my head to my heart. In making that journey I learned a lot about myself and my role in the relationships of the past. I learned to let go of the pain and to stop allowing it to define me and to stop being a victim. For as long as I was a victim the abuse defined who I was and who I could be. The abuser still controlled who I was and who I would become. I grew tired of giving them that power over me and I came to understand that nothing I did or did not do would change who they were and how they chose to deal with things.
I could only change myself and how I chose to look at life and the people that I chose to allow close to me. In doing this I finally began to do something I never thought I could do again and that was to begin living. I slowly began to define who I was and I did not allow others to do that for me anymore. Finally I have been able to come to a point in which there is room for unconditional love for another. This is a huge change for me and the direction my life. For the very first time I am able to accept someone into my life and want only for their happiness. I can know the joy and happiness in the simple idea that I could bring happiness into another’s life. This is nothing short of a miracle and my hope for all others that are recovering from abuse that they will find the happiness and love that is out there for them.