Is There Hope?

Of course there is hope, so long as there is life there is hope. The idea of hope is in the ability to see improvement in our daily lives. This can sometimes be very hard for us to see because what we have does not match what we want to have. It is also harder for us to see the changes that we are making each and every day but others can and will see them long before we do. There can often times be a great deal of frustration that can come with not being able to see the progress and that can lend itself to a loss of hope. Do not give up hope for it is your faith in yourself and you must have had faith in yourself to get this far and it will get you the rest of the way to.

Is There Hope?

Of course there is hope, so long as there is life there is hope. The idea of hope is in the ability to see improvement in our daily lives. This can sometimes be very hard for us to see because what we have does not match what we want to have. If we can manage to step outside the realm of expectation we will see and feel far more hope in our lives. Hope is something that keeps us going when we feel all else has failed. If has also been referred to as faith in something that we cannot see but we know it is there helping us get through something very hard. When we hold onto hope we are telling ourselves that our life will get better and it already has if we take the time to look for the good that is happening in it every day.

Turbulent Waters

Any relationship I have is bound to be hard work and that is because the people are always changing. I am changing everyday and so are the people I am with. The thing that makes it hardest is dealing with the fears and expectations that I place on others. Having been abused for so much of my life I find it very hard not to place expectations on others. The expectations will always be based on how I think they will react to certain people, places or things. I know that it is not fair to them or to myself to do it and yet it happens wth no thought on my part.

I know that in being aware of the propblem it makes it possible for me to make changes in the way I deal with others. I also know that it is very hard because I am working with conditioned responses. I am simply doing what I have always done to protect myself from being hurt physically or emotionally. As I heal a little more each day I find it easier to see the uunhealthy reactions and I am better able to catch myself and deal with it before I act. This brings about the scariest part, what if they react the way I am afraid they will? The answer is that I place it in God’s hands and let him guide meand the person that I am with to do the right things.

Relationships are never easy

When we have been abused for any length of time it can and often does make it very hard to trust another person again. Yet there will come a point in time when you will find someone that you feel good about being with. This is something that can be a mixed blessing in that you have the warm fizzies of being loved and yet there are the ghosts of the past. Those ghosts can be very hard to deal with because you never really know what will be a trigger a ghost come up from the past.

When issues do come up it is important to deal with them right away and not wait until the damage is already done. The new significant other does not know what you have been through and they may do something that will trigger one of your ghosts to come out a haunt you. Rememer they do not know what has triggered your reaction, if you share it with them what the issues are they can better deal with it. Maybe there will need to be changes and maybe it is something that cannot be changed. If you love them work with them and help them work with you.

The Gift of Love

This gift of love is something that we have been born with and seldom realise it. We were all born in love and out of love and it is love that keps us alive. This makes it one of the most importantthings we have to offer others and most importantly ourselves. Yes, we do need to love ourselves just as much and perhaps even more than we love others. We needto love ourselves enough to say no todomestic violence. We need to love ourselves enough to believe that we deserve better than we have had till now. We need to love ourselves enough to dream again and then to follow our dreams.

This is something that we all too often allow to die within us as we struggle just to survive our life within an abusive relationship. Leaving the relationship is simply the first step in the recovery process, not unlike the acoholic putting down their bottle. The next step and the one that will take a lifetime complete is finding ourselves. Survivng the abuse defined us for so very long and for intensive purposes it became who we were. Yet it is not who we are and they is so much more to us than just surviving abuse. We need to learn to do something that we once took for granted, love ourselves. We can only accommplish this by taking small steps and by living our lives one day at a time.

I have been in recovery groups for over a quarter century and I have learned all too well that taking things a day at a time can be very hard some days. When things are rough and you are filled with doubts about yourself ad what or why you are trying to live without abuse, it is ok to take it a minute at a time. You do not have to solve all your problems and find all your solutions today. Chances are that if you are trying to findall your answers today,you will end up battered and brused from the beating you will give yourself for not finding all the answers by the end of the day. So, begin by loving yourself enough to give yourself a well deserved break. It will get better and know that it already has.

Feeling Guilty?

When I made the choice to leave the abusive relationships I felt great about what I was doing and knew I was doing the right thing for the kids and myself. After the abusive wives left my life I would find myself feeling very guilty for what I had done. If only I had tried harder or done this or done that, it would have turned out differently and they would have stopped abusing me. I have been reassured that that is a perfectly normal and reasonable feeling to have.

Yet, while I felt all the guilt I did not feel any regret for removing them from my life. Logic told me that what I had done was the right thing. The guilt was simply my head playing games with me as it had done so many other times before. There was always something I could do or say that would have made a damn bit of difference in the behavior of the abusers in my life. After all it was not about what I was doing or not doing it was about the abuser and their actions. I had done nothing wrong to deserve the treatment that I had received and there was nothing I could do to change the behavior of the abuser because they did not want to change. I cannot change anyone unless they want to change and than they have to do the actual work and not me. It all sounds so easy now and it only took some forty years to learn that simple concept but it will make my life very different.