Step Twelve

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. What is a spiritual awakening? For some it comes on suddenly and is a profound moment of 'aha' and the light comes on and suddenly everthing is clear. For others it is something that comes on slowly as and they just suddenly realize that they have changed their entire life.

Being in recovery means I have to be available to help and support anyone that is in recovery or wanting to be in recovery. It is in giving away the things that I have learned that I continue to grow and it keeps the program alive and well in me. I have to also apply the priciples of what I ahve learned in my recovery to everything that I do. The principles I devlope while in recover keep me sober and I will stay sober only when they are applied to every aspect of my life.

It has meant that I have turned my back on my old life and the way I used to live. I have never turned my back on any one person because that would not be right. Yet if I am going to remain sober and have serenity I have to set boundaries for what behavior will be acceptable and what will not be. My life used to revolve around chaos and having to solve everyines problems. If there was no chaos in my life I was lost and did not know how to function.

I can tell you from experience that having kids provides me with all the chaos I am comfortable with these days. Over the years I have learned that I am the only one that can work my program of recovery. I cannot expect other to work it or live by it. In helping others find their path to recovery it is often a painful job because you do not want to see others get hurt. You have to allow them to fall and pick themselves up again. Learning the live a sober life is like learning to walk all over again, you are going to fall and you will pick yourself up again.

It is my old life and life choice that got me drunk or stoned and it is those very same things that will get me drunk or stoned. I have no choice but to walk away from the past and make a new life for myself. Today that life that I have is one filled with peace both internally and externally. I do not try to solve others problems or fix their mistakes for them, they have to do that for themselves, it is how they will learn. Today chaos is the holiday seaon or bath time, trying to cook a meal with a kitchen full of kids.

Those are then only acceptable kinds of chaos because those are the normal run of the mill chaos. The moments that actually build positve relationships and memories. No matter how rushed and chaotic things got at home, I remember all the times my kids tried to help me cook in the kitchen. So far 7 out of the 8 kids that have been a part of my life have helped me cook in the kitchen and it will be a few years before I will be able to teach her.

When I got the program it became clear that I had to change all aspects of my life and that took time and I did it and I have no regrets for having done it. I have gained far more than I ever lost. The people today that are a part of my life are people that make it better for having been a part of it. They add to the joy and happiness of each day. Have a great day and God Bless, I love you all.