Step Nine

Made direct amends such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. This is somethig that is very important and needs to be looked at seriously. In the last step we became willing to make amends and now comes the time when we actually do it, At this time having a good relationship with your Higher Power comes in very handy. For I have found that my Higher Power puts the people and the means in place forme to make amends in the most appropriate way.

This is going to be diferent for each person and they have to be dealt with as individuals. This is something that is important, after all you are not sending out a form letter apology and if you do you can be asured that it will be treated as such. For some people on your list all that will be needed is that they see that you are living a good and happy life. For others you may need to have a face to face to take responsibility for your part in what happend and leave it at that.

In other cases you may need to write a letter about how you feel and what you did and than never send the letter. I have known people that gave to charity to benefit others that were in a similar positon as those they have hurt. Some of the people we hurt we will never see again because we moved, they moved or they have passed on. We also have to be able to accept that for some people the hurt is so great that no amount of amends will ever be enough. It is sad because we have worked so hard to get to this point that it can be devistating when the door is closed in our faces.

In the end we are responsible for the things we do and have done. We are not responsible for how others choose to react to what we do. If someone does not want to accept our amends or that we have changed than it is on them and not on us. We cannot change how they feel or how they choose to react to what we are doing. The final thing is that we need to make amends to ourselves and that has been a stumbling point for a great many.

It is so easy to forgive others for anything they do and yet so hard to forgive ourselves for the things we did to ourselves. The reality is that if we cannot forgive ourselves for the things that we did, how can we really expect others to forgive us? In forgiving ourselves we do not make light of what happened or make excuses for what happened. We take an honest look at the events of our lives and take responsibility only for our actions and reactions. We are not responsible for what anyone else did as a result of anything that happened. We all have free will and we all make our own choices and that is sometimes very hard for us to remember. It is after all much easier to blame our actions on what others have done, 'I would not have done that if they did not do...'. We chose to do it and that is all there is to it, no one can make us do anything we do not want to do.

Have a great day all and God Bless, I love you all.