Domestic Abuse and Relationships

This is something that happens many times a day in this world and I find it hard to escape the long shadow that it casts on my life. I have had three abusive wives and the emotional damage that they have caused in my life goes beyond anything I could have imagined possible. I have found that the damage and wreckage that they leave behind travels a long way and impacts my life every day.

I often times find myself wondering if I will ever be able to have a healthy relationship. I find the ones I have had have either ended badly or I get the “can we be friends talk”. It seems that the emotional abuse has robbed me of ever having a chance to have the intimate relationship that I want to have. It has left me an insecure emotional wreck that is afraid of my own shadow. This can be very unsettling for someone that you are with and leave you looking clingy or possessive.

In the end the one thing that I want the most may be the one thing that I may not be able to have. I long to have someone that can love me back the way I want to be loved and I do not think that will happen. My past has left me fearing what will happen in a relationship and yet my heart leaves me wanting one. It is a hard place to be in and I am not sure how to get out of it. For the record it has been over three years since my last abusive wife left. I thought by now things would be easier by now and they seem to only be harder. My hope is that it will get better and that I will find a way to get past the shadow of the abuse and be able to have a healthy relationship. In the mean time I am trying to learn about what a healthy relationship is through friends.