Kids and Abuse

Kids and abuse is never a good combination and yet it happens so much in today. Just last night I turned in someone for abusing their son and they were let go. They were let go because the rest of the family lied to protect the abuser from going to jail. I am sure that in their minds they were protecting themselves as well from the wrath of the abuser. Yet in reality the only thing they have managed to do is to insure that the cycle of abuse will continue on.

The cycle of abuse continues on in our children after we have left the abusive person behind. The kids have learned by example how to act in relationships. They are not responsible for what we have taught them in how we dealt with each other. I have found that abuse like alcoholism affects the entire family and everyone takes on their own role. When the abuser is gone just as when the alcoholic stops drinking and finds recovery, everything changes.

This means the lessons we have learned about how to deal with things have to change as well. We are no longer protecting ourselves from the abuser and we no longer have to live like we are. We need to unlearn the defenses that have become so ingrained. The end result is that for a period of time afterwards life will become a living hell of a different kind.

The kids and even we react to things the way we have all been programmed to. In response to the reaction that we are expecting to come and than it does not happen. The screaming and shouting go unanswered and we find ourselves confused. How do we now act when the thing we were reacting to is no longer there. That is something that is a life time of learning. One day at a time is the only way to deal with it and get through it. Everyone will grow and change at their own rate and everyone will be adjusting to everyone else adjusting to the abuser not being there. It will take time but it will happen, even if you wan to pull your hair out during the process.im-breaking-free.blogspot.com