Dealing with Abuse

When I was in the middle of the abuse my means of escaping it came down to drugs and alcohol. They were my source of self-medication and allowed me to forget even for a short time the hell I was living in. As a child my life consisted of being beaten at home and at school and of course there was no safe refuge with other family members either.

You see I filled the role of the family whipping boy. I was the oldest of all the kids and that meant I not only got beat for the things I did but for what the others did as well. No matter what I was in the wrong and I would be beat for it.

I still remember the wide red belt my uncle used to beat me, the horse whip my mother used and the paddling boards the nuns used. The places I could go for safety were slim to none and there was no one I could tell because no one could be trusted. Dealing with the abuse that I experienced as a child was never easy.

I talked about it openly but talking about it did not make it real for me. It was a way to push people away from me because they could not be trusted. It took seeing my kids being abused by their mother before I could begin dealing with the reality of what had happened to me.

When I was 10 I had already been abused for 5 years and turn to drugs, alcohol and self-abuse to try and find some kind of escape. No one saw what they were doing wrong and there was no escape for me. I only sank deeper into my own hell.

It has been two years now since I finally climbed out of my own personal hell. Life is great now and getting better all the time.im-breaking-free.blogspot.com