I spent most of my life being told that I would never amount to anything and that I was no good. It would be drilled into me day and night for years till I believed it and than I would spend the rest of my life trying to unlearn what I had been taught so long ago. I have been feeling good about the things I have been doing because I have been actually doing things that are making a positive difference in the lives of others.
These are the kinds of things that leave you feeling good at the end of the day. You know someone benefited from what you did and you may never know who they are or how they benefited, you just know they did. After all it seems to me that we all go through life wanting to leave this world a better place because we were here. Yet today someone case doubts on my abilities and I found myself flushed with feelings of self-doubt and fear.
I doubted my ability to do what I set out to do and fear that I would fail in what I was doing. It has been two years since the abuse finally came to an end in my life and I am still surprised everyday by how much and how quickly it can sneak in. The abuse started when I was 5 and did not finally come to an end until I was 43. A lifetime of being hurt and yet a lifetime to learn to not hurt others. They say that if you have been abused you are likely to abuse.
I am sure they have numbers that will prove that. They also have numbers that prove I was not abused because men don’t get abused. I know that from my own life I can say without a doubt that men get abused. If they don’t then what have I experienced during my life. Should I deny what happened to me simply to make someone else feel better about his or her numbers. No, because if I do I allow someone else to abuse me again by expecting me to deny the events of my life as some how being an illusion that lasted almost 40 years. Take care and God Bless.im-breaking-free.blogspot.com
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