Chaos

That is a word that used to strike fear in my heart. Chaos meant not knowing what I was coming home to. Was I in trouble for something I did or did not do? It was always the luck of the draw and all I could do was hope and pray she would be in a good mood. In the three abusive marriages there were different ways of ating out. Some were emotionally abusive while others were physically abusive. The fear and the chaos was a constant in all of the marriages.

In one she cheated on me with everyone I knew and brought drugs into our house with our children present. In another she would go into screaming fits because some woman on TV was dressed in a 'slutty' manor. Yet another always threatened to have my kids taken from me if I did not do what she wanted me to do. There was always the fear of coming home and what I was going to walk into that evening.

Today there is still chaos in my life but it is a far different kind of chaos. It is potty training a puppy or picking up the toys the kids didn't. Today it is trying to schedule all the activities for a house full of people and trying to keep it all straight. Today it is trying to figure out what to make for dinner that does not include macaroni and cheese. Today chaos isa good thing and not something to fear.im-breaking-free.blogspot.com